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And Then I Was Let Loose

Date: 01-Mar-2019


Marriages are made in heaven. Oh really? I don’t believe so. But that’s what they say. Now who “they” are and why do they say so, is as cryptic and unexplainable as the phenomenon of black widow spider eating up the male counter part after mating. For that male spider, may be the marriage was meant to transport his soul to heavens. His heaven was made in marriage.

Heavens, as I understand, is a blissful place with soothing background music and all the blessed dwellers floating around in white robes with wings and haloes. Free flowing wine is yet to be confirmed. Why would anyone in that state, think of marriages or making matches? Moreover, it is the ‘souls only’ area, so why try to meddle in bodily thingies. Only explanation I can think of is, since they have nothing else to do, it’s their idle mind that paves way for devils’ workshop. But that would be a Catch 22 situation, no one can be in heaven carrying devils’ workshop on their shoulders. Thus, the mystery remains unresolved.

The only truth is marriages are made. Wherever. They can be parent made, self made, circumstances made (read pregnancy) or moral police made. Despite the lurking global warming and ever enlarging ozone hole (which I always believe is the creation of some alien peeping tom), not to mention disappearing tigers and proliferating gangsters, people tend to celebrate marriages.

Now, marriage is as good a predictive phenomenon as pulling the handle of a slot machine in a casino. Chances of poor return or outright loss heavily outweigh the chances of a jackpot. Still, people announce the holy (another spin off on the heaven thing) alliance with a box of sweets and a card that solicits ones auspicious (attempt to consolidate holy thing) presence to bless the couple. As if blessings of the heaven are not enough!!

Last couple of months being a marriage season as dictated by heavenly alignment of stars, lucky and unlucky, there were lots of invites with variety of boxes of sweets. With diet conscious family members and a sweet tooth 32 times over, I was the sole nibbler of the oh so inviting load of calories and tooth decaying material. Damp weather and passage of time, adds unfriendly and gut irritating bacteria to the mouth watering cache, I learnt the hard way. Or the liquid way. Mouth watering turned to gut watering.

Any disease can be debilitating, but this one is literally draining. As curious as the case of marriages made in heaven, there is “shit hit the fan”. Again unexplainable. I cannot visualize any situation where the butt and a fan can be juxtaposed. Except may be in an entirely imaginary situation of a foreigner having ingested a real spicy Indian food and trying to ease the burning at the wrong end with a fan. Newton lost one third respect. As per his third law, I should have hit the roof, if not the fan. Half the day was spent in the loo and the other half in bed trying to preserve the energy for the next excursion to the loo. All the time curfew was imposed, no one else was allowed to use the loo, just in case of emergency (derived from emergence here). I know not from where the soul leaves the body, but I surely know from where the energy leaves. It took three days to regain loss of one day.

My advice to people getting married – celebrate after five years of marriage, you might stop believing in heaven by then. Else present just enough sweets laced with antibiotics, to last a day, so that unsuspecting people are not let loose. As I was.

Feb 13, 2019.

 

 

 

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