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Me And My Eggs

Date: 08-May-2019


Courtesy single X and additional Y, I am eggless wonder. This is what I believe and claim. But going retro and tracing back my origin, I indeed emanated from an egg. I guess, human eggs lack hardy cover and thus are incubated in the body only. Otherwise also, human beings are the only species who have to earn money, so can’t imagine one male or female sitting over the egg for long nine months. It will translate to paid leave for nine months of egg hatching plus the already prevalent maternity leave. That will be quite a financial burden on the economy. Thank god for the small mercies.

Being a male of non-egg-laying species, I am not supposed to lay, incubate or hatch eggs. But sometimes I have a feeling that one day I will start laying eggs. Coming from an egg, I developed congenital liking for eggs in eating as well as in scoring. At least one egg a day has been my routine ever since I remember – as in eating. It has been the staple constituent of breakfast. Form – fried, scrambled, boiled or whatever – depended on the day, mood, alcohol content in blood from the previous night, quality of bowel movement or simply, the expertise of the egg maker (As in cooking and not physiological sense). Egg intake increases exponentially in summer months of bottle gourd and family – ghia, kaddu, lauki etc. Better to risk increased cholesterol than to die of starvation or compromising with tastes in life. It was during one such guilt trip that I tried to estimate the count of eggs that I must have consumed till date. The numbers were staggering. Much more than one egg a month of female physiology. That’s when the realization set in –the number of eggs I have consumed, it won’t be a wonder if I start laying eggs one day. GIGO principle used by programmers – garbage in, garbage out, can be applicable to humans also as EIEO – eggs in, eggs out.

I joined cricket team of the class in an effort to impress people. Okays, I shall be specific – effort to impress whatever few girls were there in the class. Even though girls were in the same class, they were class apart. Not only I scored many eggs, I lost one of my teeth to a rogue ball. No score with girls also. Since I was constantly scoring eggs in class tests also, I stopped appearing for the same. Better to have no marks than getting a zero.

Eggs come in a variety – white, brown, organic, clean, smeared with excreta – even though the hen almost look the same. Breaking an egg without letting a piece of shell fall into the bowl, has always been a challenge for me. I guess calcium content of hen diet should be standardized.

Eggs as eggs, eggs in cake, eggs in other menu items, eggs in sports, eggs in tests – my life has been truly egg inspired. Perfect epitaph for me would be – He came from an egg and the world lost him to egg toxicity.

March 1, 2019.

 

 

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