About Me

I was born under the sun sign Aquarius. And I always wonder, why dont people who are born at night, have moon signs. Even after spending more than half a century being a... read more

Physiology Of Beer

I suffer from Cenosillicaphobia. It’s a fear of empty beer glass.

Beer is one of the best things that ever happened to the mankind.

And womankind.

After fire and wheel, beer certainly is the third most important invention. The guy should be loaded with Nobel and all the highest awards of all the countries. Forget the states or countries that ban alcohol,they will have to wait till death to attain heaven. Entry to pearly gates is conditional to good deeds. May be heaven after death is  just a myth. Beer is heaven on earth.

Metamorphosis from barley to beer, beats that of larva to butterfly. I love barley. In the evolved form.

It comes in all sizes – pints for new entrants and drums for the veterans. I am at the bottle stage.

Bubbles tend to tickle the nose tip and the palate. I believe it’s the bubbles that make the beer rise up to the brain and release feel good factors. Brain is nothing but memory chips immersed in conductive chemicals. Beer tends to neutralize negative chemicals and negative pH of thoughts. That increases the relative population of positive chemicals and makes the overall pH positive. Positive outlook and positive thought process follow. Scientists are working on rays, currents, vibration frequencies that can ferment the fluid that surrounds the brain into beer.

In case beer is flat, it is advisable to lie down with head side low so that beer can gravitate to brain without the aid of bubbles.

Beer has a relaxing effect on body. Especially the tongue. Journey of beer in the body starts from the tongue. And sometimes it’s the output from the relaxed tongue that gets the ban on beer input. Happy and exuberant words and claims are not without consequences. Particularly if the receiving ears are not beer soaked.

I have been trying to hold beer in body for quite many years. But it tends to escape via the kidneys. And if kidneys feel overwhelmed, stomach pitches in by throwing out what kidneys can’t handle. Stomach plays a double role. It absorbs beer till kidneys are happy. Once kidneys raise a flag of helplessness, it throws the rest of contents out. Also, it controls number of bubbles reaching brain. All the extra ones are sent back via the nose. Stomach acts as autonomous regulator of beer intake. It expresses its own displeasure by producing more acid.

Liver is anti beer. It attacks beer with different chemical weapons and tries to convert it into some non-alcoholic matter. That matter happens to be toxic for liver itself. Thus, it’s a kind of hara-kiri for liver. It commits a slow suicide trying to eliminate beer from body. It definitely is a case of insubordination. Owner of liver wants to have beer in the body, but liver wants to deactivate it. And by committing suicide, it actually murders the owner. Liver needs to have some brains.

Kidneys. Two of them. They work non stop in a manner that very few people can apprehend. Even the nephrologists are confused. They know what the kidneys are doing, but don’t know why kidneys are doing it. Absorbing and releasing repeatedly, each and every molecule in the blood and ultimately converting them into urine and filling the bladder. Converting beer into urine. What a colossal waste. Watery grave to such a wondrous elixir.

That my friends, completes the beer cycle. From barley to urine. Via mankind and womankind.


October 23, 2019.


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