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I was born under the sun sign Aquarius. And I always wonder, why dont people who are born at night, have moon signs. Even after spending more than half a century being a... read more


Do I snore?

Do I snore?

Na. Never heard it.  I mean I never heard myself snoring. I hear my 50 kg plus Labrador Scooby  snore every night. I heard my wife snore when she was pregnant. I was held responsible for both –pregnancy and the resultant snoring. Many times during the night, my wife wakes me up in different ways – calls out my name, shakes me, touches me and other unmentionable undemocratic ways - not for any romantic reasons, but to interrupt my sleep, suspected sweet dreams and alleged snoring.

Stats say 40% of men snore. So, if given to believe that I snore, which I have never heard, I am part of elite 40% and not just part of crowded 60%. Same stats say that 30% of women snore. So,if any wife doesn’t snore, she is part of even more crowded 70%. Doesn’t that make me snore more? Ooops, I mean - doesn’t that make me score more?

SUS is acronym for Socially Unacceptable Snoring. It must have been coined by a man. Coming from a woman it would have translated into – Spouse’s Unacceptable Snoring. People who study sound as science claim the average noise level in bedrooms is 30dB. It can be lower if the things are kept under the wraps - literally and figuratively. Range would depend upon age and stage of relationship of the occupants. It is at 40dB that the sleep starts getting affected. Prerequisite is sleeping – it won’t get affected if one is making noises while being awake. Loudest recorded snoring holds a record of 92dB. There is no mention of noise levels achieved during other activities in the bedroom, fighting and quarreling included. Transition from playful pillow fights to keep-your-pillow-away fights is almost imperceptible.

How many people are capable of doing things while sleeping?

Dreaming? Keep out day dreaming and one is left with horror, exotic and erotic dreams. That’s in decreasing order of frequency. And with advancing age, median keeps shifting more and more towards horror end. I wonder if the volume, tone and tune of snores changes with the kind of dream one is having. OMG, that is a frightening thought- wives can be good with the interpretation of that  – melodious tone if dreaming about a cute babe and erratic tone if dreaming about own wife. I still hope I don’t snore.

Sleep walking? That can be dangerous or funny. May be spooky.

Sleep talking? Hmmmmmm. Now that can be life threatening. One can claim innocence in the morning, but the chances of giving voice to the skeletons in the cupboard can bring down the castle and the king –lock, stock and barrel. Better to be snoring than sleep talking!!!

That makes snoring most acceptable thing after dreaming. Another study says men are less likely to snore after the age of 70. Actual reason can be women become hard of hearing at that age and stop reporting and complaining. If the pre wedding check-up of a man reports snoring, try marrying a lady of similar or elder age with the hope that she will become hearing challenged soon and one can have uninterrupted sleep at least in the sun down stage of life.

Think out of box – snoring can be:

1.     Kind of stimulus for regeneration and rejuvenation of brain cells. Wives- don’t interrupt and in the morning, you will have a husband with improved IQ.

2.    Some kind of health statement. One day scientist will develop a machine that will read and interpret snores and print out blood, urine and prostate reports.

3.    Mating call – do wake up the hubby but for different reasons.

And then there was this study which concluded that – despite the evidence to the contrary, bed partners report better sleep quality when sleeping with their snoring partners than with others. I am not very sure what that means. Sounds like a double whammy.

So again, do I snore? No idea. Never heard. Show me the interpretation, I might agree. Or disagree.

May 8, 2019.

 

 

 

 


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